Chapter 12

awl manzlt my phone rang it was ahmed est'3rbt glt yemken nasya shay

Lama: Halaa

Ahmed: 5lek m3ay bl56 abi asm3 9outk

w jatla thek el9r5aa mayswa 3leh elmsken

Lama: AHMED MIN JDK W ENTA G3DA TSWG ESH TBI YSEERLK 7ADTH BSMELLAH 3LEK ETRK ELJWAL NO TEXTING NO PHONE CALL SAM3

ahmed: allah allah hadi 7bee--- 6oooo6 6ooo6 6oo6

Lama: Ahmed? 

I waited for him to call back bs he didn't w a7sn ma adg 3leh since he's driving

I did what i always do at night when I'm feeling tired, 3bet the tub with an extremely hot water.. awl majet ad5l my phone rang it was my mom

Lama:Hala mama

Mama: 7beeeebtyy lamaaa wainkk entyy??

her voice was shaking, i knew something wrong happened 

Lama: Blbet lesh?

Mama: Ahmed wa9lk?

Lama: ee mama laish?

Mama: Laa mama wla shay 7beebti nami bdri yallah 

6ooo6

Lama: Mamaaa? mama?

Okay omi and mu ketha now I'm sure there's something going on.

I called ahmed 3la foul

Lama: Ahmed??

Ahmed: Hala 7beebti

his voice sounded normal

Lama: waink entt?

Ahmed: YALLAH KNT 3ARFA ENHA BTGOULK!

Lama: Btgouli eshh? wsh feek ahmed? wainkk?

Ahmed: Tsween mat3rfen lama

Lama: Ahmed g3d t5wfni esh feek

Ahmed: 7beebti mafi shay bs swet 7adth b9e6 w el7en ana 3nd eldoctor yswoli bs xrays bse6a

Lama: 7ADTH ESH!!!! WAINK B AY MSTSHFA?

Ahmed: Lama mafeeni shay b6l3 a9ln b3d shway 

Lama: bsr3a ahmed ay mstshfa!! 

Ahmed: Mstshft ALXXXXX

Lama: Okay I'm coming yallah bye 

Ahmed: Min jdk shoufi els3a km

it was 1 am

Lama: ma3lay ahmed I'm coming

Ahmed: wallah az3ll klha 10 dgayg w b6l3 may7taj btjen mar7 tlageeni

Lama: e7lf ena mafeek shay?

Ahmed: lamn t6l3 el9wr aklmk yallah 7beebti bye I love you so much!!

Lama:  awl mat6l3 tklmni okay? I love you too bye

and I hanged up

  

I slept bdoun ma7s 3la 6oul min elt3b and i didn't really get worried about ahmed he sounded perfectly okay

I woke the next morning jwali kan mskr mash7nta la2na zay maglt i overslept w hw kan bydi..

i brushed my teeth w nzlt af6r mafi wla a7d blbet 7ta sh'3lat wtf?

"Mama? Baba? Abdullah? (my older brother) Su3aad, noor?" I screamed

no one answered me

Lama: Haw weenhum

My little sister najla and nasser came behind me 

Nasser: mama ra7t 

Lama: 6yb ween su3aad w noor abi f6our

Najla: mama took su3ad and noor

Lama: haw ween?

nasser and najla both raised and lowered their shoulders "man3rf"

Lama: 6yb f6rtu?

Najla: la we went to the kitchen 3shan ngoulhom yswoon lna bs mama kant tbki w 5fna

Lama: MAMA LAISH KANT TBKI?

Najla: ma3rf s2ltaha bs mardt ana 5ayfa

Lama: enshallah 5eer 7beebti la tbkeen

 and i gave her a hug

Najla: ana jo3ana lama

Lama: esh tbeen aswee lk?

Najla: abi mickey mouse pancake!!!

Nasser: mabi mickey mouse abi 6bee3i

mswy ena laa ana wld w ketha

I laughed at him

Lama: okay rou7o 6al3o tv etha 5l9ta bnadeekom

Najla: YAY Lama n7bk

lama: ana a7bkom b3d

I did pancakes for them w 6l3t foug ajeb jwali 

it was 10pm maknt mtfaj2a eni i didn't receive any whatsapp messages i went on twitter and scrolled down

للهم ارحم جميع موتانا وموتى المسلمين

لا حول ز لا قود الا بالله

الله يرحمه و يغفر لله

اللهم نسالك حسن الخاتمه

…

and lots of tweets about death w ad3ya

"bsmellah yarb allah la yfj3na men twfa" I was speaking with myself bs i said it out loudly

Abdullah knocked the door

Lama: men

Abdullah: ana

Lama: ed5l

he looked really sad

Abdullah: shlounk lama?

stop.. men meta y3ni I'm close with my brother w kl shay bs magd ja sa2lni wsh loni

I raised my eyebrows remembering that my mother was crying in the morning

Lama: Abdullah wsh fyy?

Abdullah: wsh fy?

Lama: you are asking me how I'm doing w mama t9e7 in the morning? bsmellah wsh fe!!

Abdullah: mafi shay 7ram as2l e5ty how she's doing

lama: laa mu 7ram kuwaysa ent kaifk?

Abdullah: el7amdela 3la kl 7al

Lama: abdullah t3rf lesh mama kant t9ee7?

Abdullah: laa

he didn't sound curious 3bdullah a3rfa malgoof

I grabbed my phone and called my mother

Abdullah: tdgen 3la men?

Lama: mama a3rf esh feha b3den wen el5dmat martbu shay ahmed and his family are coming tonight

abdullah: Lama 7beebti

Lama: ha?

abdullah: ahmed.. 

he stayed silent for few seconds looking at the ground

Lama: ee ya abdullah ahmed wsh feh?

I knew! I knew what he was going to say 7setha 3la 6wl bs i was hoping what i thought would be wrong!

Abdullah: hatha youma ya lama ed3ela rbi ythbta w yr7ma 

words were very heavy my thoughts weren't so deep as much as my tears were!

I felt hundred of knives stabbing me i felt like everything was a lie.. and the worst thing i felt like I've lost my heart and you know what? it was a true feeling! ahmed was my heart and him dying means my heart died too and what are humans without hearts? dead

Im dead. 

Abdullah hugged me so tight my tears were wetting his shirt

Abdullah:7beebti la t97een kl ma 97ty kl ma3thbteh I'm sure ahmed wants you strong!

Lama: lesh abdullah lesh? lesh byoum 56obtna!!! 

Abdullah stayed in silent not knowing how to answer me, or if he did will it change anything?

Lama: kla mni ana! law ma w9lni elbet! law marj3na min london! law ma ja elriyadh!!!

Abdullah: hatha eli maktoub kl wa7d w youma "قل لن يصيبنا الا ماكتب الله"

picked up my phone and started to call ahmed

The first missed call, second, third, forth, fifth, sixth.

Abdullah: Lama

Lama: shh abdullah its ringing

Abdullah: la tswen bnfsk ketha

I didn't even took my eyes away from my phone

I was texting him

"7beebi ahmed 9ba7 el5er"

"yallah goum"

"eshtgtlk already"

"ahmeeed meta btjy I'm waiting for you, tonight ahmed ill be your one and only tonight!!!!"

"can you imagine it I've been waiting for this forever"

abdullah took my phones from my hands

Abdullah: mar7 yrd ya lama

Lama: he will and he's coming tonight you'll meet him he's really nice you are going to love him he always wanted to meet you w baba

I went to my wardrobe, searched for our baby dress

Lama: shouf 

I handed him our baby's dress

Lama: we bought this for our baby you liked it? w grrna nsmeha lilly I picked the name actually ahmed gam y'67k t5ayl ya abdullah 

I laughed remembering his laugh eli daym t5leni a'67k 7ta law may'67k then i teared because i knew i won't hear the funniest laugh from the most amazing man!

I looked at the dress i wanted to cut every inch with it with my teeth!

awrek esh blbs elyoum? ahmed bought it for me he thought it would be so pretty on me.

I entered the bathroom changed my pi's to the dress that i was suppose to wear today

it was strapless pink dress, yw9al len my knees it had some glitter 3nd my waist, its the kind of dress you'll see and say "oh this dress looks alive and happy"

I shed my tears and came out of the bathroom I looked so happy and fine!

Lama: what do you think? will ahmed like it on me?

Abdullah: its pretty, sure he will.

abdullahs thought:

awl manzlt my phone rang it was ahmed est'3rbt glt yemken nasya shay

Lama: Halaa

Ahmed: 5lek m3ay bl56 abi asm3 9outk

w jatla thek el9r5aa mayswa 3leh elmsken

Lama: AHMED MIN JDK W ENTA G3DA TSWG ESH TBI YSEERLK 7ADTH BSMELLAH 3LEK ETRK ELJWAL NO TEXTING NO PHONE CALL SAM3

ahmed: allah allah hadi 7bee--- 6oooo6 6ooo6 6oo6

Lama: Ahmed? 

I waited for him to call back bs he didn't w a7sn ma adg 3leh since he's driving

I did what i always do at night when I'm feeling tired, 3bet the tub with an extremely hot water.. awl majet ad5l my phone rang it was my mom

Lama:Hala mama

Mama: 7beeeebtyy lamaaa wainkk entyy??

her voice was shaking, i knew something wrong happened 

Lama: Blbet lesh?

Mama: Ahmed wa9lk?

Lama: ee mama laish?

Mama: Laa mama wla shay 7beebti nami bdri yallah 

6ooo6

Lama: Mamaaa? mama?

Okay omi and mu ketha now I'm sure there's something going on.

I called ahmed 3la foul

Lama: Ahmed??

Ahmed: Hala 7beebti

his voice sounded normal

Lama: waink entt?

Ahmed: YALLAH KNT 3ARFA ENHA BTGOULK!

Lama: Btgouli eshh? wsh feek ahmed? wainkk?

Ahmed: Tsween mat3rfen lama

Lama: Ahmed g3d t5wfni esh feek

Ahmed: 7beebti mafi shay bs swet 7adth b9e6 w el7en ana 3nd eldoctor yswoli bs xrays bse6a

Lama: 7ADTH ESH!!!! WAINK B AY MSTSHFA?

Ahmed: Lama mafeeni shay b6l3 a9ln b3d shway 

Lama: bsr3a ahmed ay mstshfa!! 

Ahmed: Mstshft ALXXXXX

Lama: Okay I'm coming yallah bye 

Ahmed: Min jdk shoufi els3a km

it was 1 am

Lama: ma3lay ahmed I'm coming

Ahmed: wallah az3ll klha 10 dgayg w b6l3 may7taj btjen mar7 tlageeni

Lama: e7lf ena mafeek shay?

Ahmed: lamn t6l3 el9wr aklmk yallah 7beebti bye I love you so much!!

Lama:  awl mat6l3 tklmni okay? I love you too bye

and I hanged up

  

I slept bdoun ma7s 3la 6oul min elt3b and i didn't really get worried about ahmed he sounded perfectly okay

I woke the next morning jwali kan mskr mash7nta la2na zay maglt i overslept w hw kan bydi..

i brushed my teeth w nzlt af6r mafi wla a7d blbet 7ta sh'3lat wtf?

"Mama? Baba? Abdullah? (my older brother) Su3aad, noor?" I screamed

no one answered me

Lama: Haw weenhum

My little sister najla and nasser came behind me 

Nasser: mama ra7t 

Lama: 6yb ween su3aad w noor abi f6our

Najla: mama took su3ad and noor

Lama: haw ween?

nasser and najla both raised and lowered their shoulders "man3rf"

Lama: 6yb f6rtu?

Najla: la we went to the kitchen 3shan ngoulhom yswoon lna bs mama kant tbki w 5fna

Lama: MAMA LAISH KANT TBKI?

Najla: ma3rf s2ltaha bs mardt ana 5ayfa

Lama: enshallah 5eer 7beebti la tbkeen

 and i gave her a hug

Najla: ana jo3ana lama

Lama: esh tbeen aswee lk?

Najla: abi mickey mouse pancake!!!

Nasser: mabi mickey mouse abi 6bee3i

mswy ena laa ana wld w ketha

I laughed at him

Lama: okay rou7o 6al3o tv etha 5l9ta bnadeekom

Najla: YAY Lama n7bk

lama: ana a7bkom b3d

I did pancakes for them w 6l3t foug ajeb jwali 

it was 10pm maknt mtfaj2a eni i didn't receive any whatsapp messages i went on twitter and scrolled down

للهم ارحم جميع موتانا وموتى المسلمين

لا حول ز لا قود الا بالله

الله يرحمه و يغفر لله

اللهم نسالك حسن الخاتمه

…

and lots of tweets about death w ad3ya

"bsmellah yarb allah la yfj3na men twfa" I was speaking with myself bs i said it out loudly

Abdullah knocked the door

Lama: men

Abdullah: ana

Lama: ed5l

he looked really sad

Abdullah: shlounk lama?

stop.. men meta y3ni I'm close with my brother w kl shay bs magd ja sa2lni wsh loni

I raised my eyebrows remembering that my mother was crying in the morning

Lama: Abdullah wsh fyy?

Abdullah: wsh fy?

Lama: you are asking me how I'm doing w mama t9e7 in the morning? bsmellah wsh fe!!

Abdullah: mafi shay 7ram as2l e5ty how she's doing

lama: laa mu 7ram kuwaysa ent kaifk?

Abdullah: el7amdela 3la kl 7al

Lama: abdullah t3rf lesh mama kant t9ee7?

Abdullah: laa

he didn't sound curious 3bdullah a3rfa malgoof

I grabbed my phone and called my mother

Abdullah: tdgen 3la men?

Lama: mama a3rf esh feha b3den wen el5dmat martbu shay ahmed and his family are coming tonight

abdullah: Lama 7beebti

Lama: ha?

abdullah: ahmed.. 

he stayed silent for few seconds looking at the ground

Lama: ee ya abdullah ahmed wsh feh?

I knew! I knew what he was going to say 7setha 3la 6wl bs i was hoping what i thought would be wrong!

Abdullah: hatha youma ya lama ed3ela rbi ythbta w yr7ma 

words were very heavy my thoughts weren't so deep as much as my tears were!

I felt hundred of knives stabbing me i felt like everything was a lie.. and the worst thing i felt like I've lost my heart and you know what? it was a true feeling! ahmed was my heart and him dying means my heart died too and what are humans without hearts? dead

Im dead. 

Abdullah hugged me so tight my tears were wetting his shirt

Abdullah:7beebti la t97een kl ma 97ty kl ma3thbteh I'm sure ahmed wants you strong!

Lama: lesh abdullah lesh? lesh byoum 56obtna!!! 

Abdullah stayed in silent not knowing how to answer me, or if he did will it change anything?

Lama: kla mni ana! law ma w9lni elbet! law marj3na min london! law ma ja elriyadh!!!

Abdullah: hatha eli maktoub kl wa7d w youma "قل لن يصيبنا الا ماكتب الله"

picked up my phone and started to call ahmed

The first missed call, second, third, forth, fifth, sixth.

Abdullah: Lama

Lama: shh abdullah its ringing

Abdullah: la tswen bnfsk ketha

I didn't even took my eyes away from my phone

I was texting him

"7beebi ahmed 9ba7 el5er"

"yallah goum"

"eshtgtlk already"

"ahmeeed meta btjy I'm waiting for you, tonight ahmed ill be your one and only tonight!!!!"

"can you imagine it I've been waiting for this forever"

abdullah took my phones from my hands

Abdullah: mar7 yrd ya lama

Lama: he will and he's coming tonight you'll meet him he's really nice you are going to love him he always wanted to meet you w baba

I went to my wardrobe, searched for our baby dress

Lama: shouf 

I handed him our baby's dress

Lama: we bought this for our baby you liked it? w grrna nsmeha lilly I picked the name actually ahmed gam y'67k t5ayl ya abdullah 

I laughed remembering his laugh eli daym t5leni a'67k 7ta law may'67k then i teared because i knew i won't hear the funniest laugh from the most amazing man!

I looked at the dress i wanted to cut every inch with it with my teeth!

awrek esh blbs elyoum? ahmed bought it for me he thought it would be so pretty on me.

I entered the bathroom changed my pi's to the dress that i was suppose to wear today

it was strapless pink dress, yw9al len my knees it had some glitter 3nd my waist, its the kind of dress you'll see and say "oh this dress looks alive and happy"

I shed my tears and came out of the bathroom I looked so happy and fine!

Lama: what do you think? will ahmed like it on me?

Abdullah: its pretty, sure he will.

abdullahs thought:

I can't handle her crying again poor lama she looked so sad in any minute mumkn tnjn! i don't wanna see her ketha g3da tt3thb when she got out of the bathroom with this stunning dress on her which fits her perfectly she looked so happy like nothing happened i don't wanna ruin it for her. i had to act along.

Lama: enshallah thank you!! and hey do you think i should wear a necklace? wela the glitter is enough

Abdullah: no i think its fine like that 

Lama: okay no necklace then

I plugged my curlier and sat 

Lama: uf mali 5lg aswi sha3ri

And i started to curl it...

I can't handle her crying again poor lama she looked so sad in any minute mumkn tnjn! i don't wanna see her ketha g3da tt3thb when she got out of the bathroom with this stunning dress on her which fits her perfectly she looked so happy like nothing happened i don't wanna ruin it for her. i had to act along.

Lama: enshallah thank you!! and hey do you think i should wear a necklace? wela the glitter is enough

Abdullah: no i think its fine like that 

Lama: okay no necklace then

I plugged my curlier and sat 

Lama: uf mali 5lg aswi sha3ri

And i started to curl it...