Chapter 17

So when he said like that i laughed stared at his eyes and he got closer and closer until their were only nug6a between us… you see the thing is his eyes. i can't keep my eyes of them. its like there's a gravity between our eyes. I tried i tried but i couldn't resist...

IM TOTALLY REGRETING THIS.

When he closed his eyes getting more closer i can feel his breath against my skin I quickly turned my face to the other side rejecting his kiss.

OMG! what did just happen he wanted to kiss me when we are not even together he knows how much i loved ahmed that means one thing; hes messing around with me, he thinks im a toy!

Cause apparently saudi guys think that if you've been inlove before or if you are doing things with any guy lw 7ta your lover you're a slut and you'll do that again and you have no limits and that just "t5aluf".

Lama: FAISAL!

i sounded very angry

Faisal: ana asf lama wallah asf mkan g9di

he was stepping back len the door w i can hear him saying shit shit while getting out of the room.

Faisal's P.O.V:

Her eyes they're the most beautiful eyes ive ever seen. her lips makes me so weak I couldn't resist them i get closer and closer couldn't control myself eli yshoufni ygoul ms7our..

my wish will finally come true.

and bam i felt a hard slap on my face.

SHIT SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE!

wake up faisal thats not one of your hoes who come and go, this is an angel, a broken one. 

You cant broke her more than shes broken ana lazm ab3d 3nha ill probably hurt like every girl. 

and because I love her i'll let her go. its for the best I need to get out of her life before its too late.

back to lama.

I kept overthinking about faisal hes a good guy he stayed with me all night ams he wanted the best for me I dont think hes one of the bad boys eli they broke girls heart and just disappear like that.

am i lying to myself? Im falling for faisal.

I think i need to talk to my best friend but after I get out from the hospital which is in 2 hours, finally i hate hospitals.

6ab3an the doctor gave me a lecture and i promised him to not force myself to get the food out of my system

Lama: anoudaa are you free?

Anoud: no im expensive babe

Lama:wa7shtni m9aaltk e3gly bs mak2nk tzwjti=))

Anoud: sooo thab7toni w etha mtzwja mub lazm a3gl uf a7b m9alti w zwjy y7bha shd5lk

Lama: 5la9 youma yal bzr=)) elzbdah skype?

Anoud: yallah dgega ad5l

so i opened skype w i talked to anoud gltlha about everything

Anoud: ela meta anoud ela meta? bajy aklk shkli maynf3 ketha

Lama: ma3lena anoud nrj3 elmw'6ou3 faisal

Anoud: esma faisal elwshu?

Lama: Faisal AlXX

Anoud: omg 3arftaaa

Lama: shloun t3rfeena? lesh ma3rfa ana wyak n3rf nfs elnas!!

Anoud: lama hatha a5uu leenaa!!

Lama: leena meen? 

Anoud: leena elXX kant m3na bljam3yaa 3rfteha? ysmonha meryam fares 3shan jsmha w sh3rha kubrna

Lama: ohh eee leeena 3rftha 3rftha shdrak enha e5ta?

Anoud: la2na elbnat kanu y7shoun fehh thek elmraa w ygloun swaleefa w galu ena a5u leena

Lama: fe swaleef mashallah?

Anoud: eeh lama!! entabhi athkr kanu ygoloun yswi kl shay w yklm n9 elriyadh

Lama: esh y3ni kl shay?

Anoud: y3ni may5af rba yshrb w yd5n..

Lama: youmaaa

anoud: ee b3di 3na lama elzbdaa ana lazm arou7 elmstshfa al7een

Lama: lesh shfeek salmat?

anoud: guess what? 

and her cheeks turned to redd.

Lama: OMG! You are pregnant??

Anoud: shhh la t3lmeen a7d mu akeed this appointment bt2kd w agoulk

Lama: omg yaaay im so haaappy for youuu gaalbi i cant wait enshallah yaarb

So i dont know why ma9dgt klam anoud ofcorse anoud wont lie ana ag9d elbnat eli galoolha w e5ta mra mu7trma madri bs mad5lt bmu5i maybe cause i dont want to believe what ive just heard? uf madri lets just wait for a prove.

So a week passed nothing happen I saw him twice w he walked like he doesnt know me its like i dont exist. the pain is getting back, great just when I got better 97?!

I dont know all this is happening to me? yaleetni majeet adrs hena l3nt abu elyoum eli jet hena feh kla drama and Im so lonely!!! bs I could never deny the fact that london jam3tni m3 the love of my life.. ahmed.

I havent smoke for the past 2 days bs now i could really use one. I need one. bs I stayed strong and just slept the pain away...

a week later 

Sara: SUPERISE!

Lama: OMG YOU ARE HERE!

fj2a sara showed up at my door

sara is a close friend back in riyadh.

we hugged each other so tight, shes sleeping here in my apartment for the next week, I got a feeling that itll be a fun week!! sara min elnou3 eljree2 w shes so funny w she likes to have fun b'ay 6rega.

Sara: esm3i I booked 7g tonight lnovikov w fi thnen min 9degati jayen b3rfk 3lehum they live here mra 7lelat btsanen m3hum

Lama: ee okay kuways cause im dying min el6fsh hena ma3rf wla a7d

Sara: min jdk 9arlk semester kaml wla t3rfeen a7d?

Lama: ee bs 3ndi british friends mafi a7d m3ay 3arbi b my classes, y3ni fi bs 3yal mub bnat you know

Sara: yallah shloun 3aysha a7s 6fsh mra mat6l3en y3ni?

Lama: ela my cousins b paris fa ben ftra w fatra yjoun w blejazat daym fi 9degati blondon

Sara: 5la9 by3jbounk elbnat they're cousins w mra 6aybat

Chapter 16

t3rfoun lamn tktmoun shay elftra 6wela and you want it all out? ketha knt 7awlt amsk lsani bs i couldnt 

 I told faisal everything. kef kant 7yati w kef 9art kef Im a mess now and depression is eating me slowly.

 Faisal didnt say any word he just hugged me. that kind of hug is all i needed to make me feel better.

Chapter 15

getting a cigarette out of her pocket

Lilly: It'll make you feel better for now atleast.

I REALLY NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER! bs thats too risky? bs i'll just try it. nothing will happen y3ni. ana 3agla akthr min ma admn ill just use one to make me feel better for now.

Lilly: excuse me miss? you've got a lighter?

The girl got a lighter out and she lit one for me and one for her...

I inhaled it, and exhaled it I must admit it really made me relax i felt like im exhaling all the pain. I watched the past go up in smoke.

I really liked the feeling I got the second cigarette and inhaled it.

shway shway lget nafsi Im addicted.

I look horrible pale and skinny, im all skull and bones right now everything i eat i automatically throw it up i have no food in my system Im losing alot of weight 

Its amazing how you can quickly get addicted to this shit I smoke packs now.

A week later..

The class is finished I went outside the building to smoke and smell some fresh air.

I was smoking and a voice interrupted me.

A guy: what a girl like you doing with this shit?

He was really tall muscled guy he had a sexy dirty and I knew he was saudi from his eyes they were really mka7la and huge.

I was hoping that he'll not know that im saudi acting all british faking the accent

Lama: its none of your business

I inhaled one more last time and threw it away.

The guy: well its not bs wa7da 3ndha hal3youn elbre2a w elwajh eljameela mafrou'6 mat5rba.

Lama: Im sorry? I didnt understand anything you've said

and I walked away crossing my fingers hoping he'll buy all the act.

The guy: Lama

I walked quicker, that was just freaky!

he knows my name! and he saw me smoking. ALLAH YSTR!

So I got to the cafeteria I took a coffee and sat reading my favorite book.

The guy came and sat at the same table right infront of me I gave him a look w 3la 6wl i returned to my book. 

A guy: ajal acting british and he laughed

Lama: what the fuck are you saying?

still talking with my fake british accent

A guy: esm3i 3lagl if you wanna act like you are british wela mub s3odya dont read an arabic book infront of me.

and he laughed

How stupid am i? I forgot that i was reading an arabic book.

Lama: okay wsh tbi al7een?

The guy: abi a3rf shay!

Lama: what is it

I sounded like i was annoyed and I really waaas.

The guy: shfeek t'3ayrti?

Oh so he knows me before okay thats just freakier. 

Lama: Do i even know you?

The guy: obviously no.

Lama: ajal shtby??

The guy: I told you wsh abi

Lama: its none of your business!!

The guy: I just wanted you to know what you are doing is wrong.

and he simply got up and walked away.

So a guy I dont know comes up to me judging me without knowing my story zay ketha. thats really annoying!

bs hey I dont give a damn about what he thinks about me, no one can judge me. 

a week later 

Ive havent seen that guy el7amdellah until that day again, and guess what i was doing? yup i was smoking.

6ab3n i dont smoke infront the campus bl'6b6 ketha ad5l 7wari behind the campus.

The guy: elslam 3laikum.

Lama: w3laykum elslam and Im only answering you 3shan rd elslam wajb

The guy laughed: m3ak wla3a?

Lama: yeah?

y3ni aked bekoun m3ay cant he see that im smoking

and he got a cigarrette out 

Okay so he smokes and he judges me 3shani i smoke?

The guy: Im faisal

I ignored him.

Faisal: i know you think im stalking bs im not

Lama: ajal shjaybk hena?:)

Faisal: shgti fougk

w he was pointing at the building

I laughed and he laughed

Faisal: 3ajbk eli g3d tswena?

Lama: 3afwn?

Faisal: t3rfeen ena mub zain

Lama: etha t3rf ena mub zain why are you smoking?

Faisal: Im not happy about it

Lama: neither I am.

Faisal: ajal lesh g3d td5neen

Lama: can you not judge please!!!!

Faisal: Im not judging im saving you

Lama: I dont need you to save me, save yourself gbl

Faisal: enty bnt wrak zwaj, ahl, a6fal w 7ram t5rbeen jamalk 

I ignored him looking at the sky while inhaling and exhaling the smoke.

Faisal: elzbdah shkli mz3jk ana bs 7bet an97k min a5u ele5t w atmna enk tfkreen zeen yallah m3 elslama

i did ignore him again, hes so rude w may3rf yn9a7 if he wants me to stop smoking 3lagl dont smoke infront of me, '3bi

 so i went back to the campus for my class it was math.. it was a big hall i never notice men m3ay i just sit in front row w i listen to the professor. 

 The same guy came and sat next to me, that explains how he knows my name, 6l3 he attends math class with me.

 The professor: "So theres a project due thursday but this time we'll try something new, partner project"

 GOD NO!

 I was to busy cursing the professor bdal ma i chose my partner lafeet yameni and the guy next to me already had a partner so mbgali ela 3la ysari faisal:)

 Faisal: looks like everyone got a partner mabga ela ana wyak

 Lama: lla2sf

 Faisal: allah hal gd tkrheni -laughing-

 Lama: can we get back to the project

 Faisal: yeah so my apartment or yours?

 Lama: n3mm? no apartments.

 this is the first time me doing project with a saudi guy w i dont know if other girls are okay with going to there apartment bs nooo not going to happen 5air enshallah y3ni!

 Faisal: 6yb asf I think you misunderstood, starbucks or the library?

 No library are awkward so i picked starbucks. 

 Faisal: see you at 8?

 Lama: okay!

 Faisal: hey lama you wanna give me your number aw ay shay 3shan ntwa9l 3n elproject.

 Lama: no.

 Faisal: stop playing hard to get we're only project partner

that was so rude

 Lama: im not playing hard to get wla ay shay bs marta7lk w mub lazm a36ek my number 3shan elproject just be there at 8 

I know mart7lk kant rude bs he totally deserve it.

Faisal: 5la9 okay eli yray7k

 --

8pm:

I went to starbucks didnt find faisal yet i ordered w jlst mar n9 s3a and he didnt came i started to search and stuff mar7 awgf sh'3li 3shana b9ra7a and he finally came.

 Lama: la badri -a36eta 5za-

 Faisal: ee sorry something came up, law kan 3ndi rgmk kan i whatsapped you eni bt25r bs enty mar'6eti

 Lama: i know where this is going dont try ma5leetni andm wla a8n3tni -laughing-

 Faisal: maglt shay ana -laughing-

 Lama: so 6l3t everything bs bagi ent t6l3...... -talking about the project-

 he was kind of serious when it came to the project and he superisingly he was nice too.

 B3d ma5l9na rj3 elhis natraul annoying personality 

 Faisal: so wanna take you to another date? -winks-

 Lama: asfa? another? -laughing so hard-

 esh eli another he thought that this is a date hes hilarious

 Faisal: yeah did you enjoy the date? so romantic 97?

 so he was just teasing me out.

 Lama: you're hilarious

 Faisal: in a good way -winks-

 Lama: not. not. 

he was hilarious in a good way he made me laugh y3ni bs hes annoying lamn yshouf nfsa w y7sb ymoun.

 Faisal: so esh glti?

 Lama: la2 dont try

 Faisal: 6yb ill walk you home nsoulf we didnt get the chance to know each other

 Lama: 6yb bs first there's rules: first, dont get me annoyed like you always do. second, dont flirt with me cayse thats annoying.

 Faisal: weird girls love me when i flirt.

 Lama: well i dont im not that kind of girl

 Faisal: 5la9 okay deal

 I smiled

 Faisal: shall we?

 Lama: we shall

and he opened the door for me 

 Faisal: t3rfeen i remember the first time i saw you?

 Lama: rule number two no flirting

 Faisal: shfeek enty 5leni akml yemken bsbk aw b6nz

 Lama: rule number one dont get me annoyed

 Faisal: yaleel esm3i bkml 6yb=))

 Lama: okay yallah

 Faisal: you were wearing pink cardigan and white tshirt w jeans you had simple and beautiful make up  p.s not flirting just complimenting you- -I laughed- elzbdah akml you looked really happy and healthy w 3lamatw83 magd shftk t7t shgti w shklk maknti td5neen bs now you smoke, all you wear is black and you lost alot of weight your face is pale now you look not healthy looks like there's something going on with you?

 My face color kanu g3d ynglbon alwan my eyes emtlt moya a7wl mabki. w g3dt sakta a6al3 elar'6

 Faisal stopped w rf3 rasi and the tears were streaming so hard, getting flashbacks about how my life was perfect and i was so happy and know its exactly the opposite. 

 Faisal: lama shfeek g3d t9e7een tell me maybe i can help you??!! is there a guy sawalk shay!

 Faisal Point of view:

- i dont usually do p.o.v bs 3shan you know more about him.-

 girls they come and go, to me they're dolls you play with them. I can break any girl heart and dont feel anything bl3aks i enjoy it bs this girl shes totally different, i remember the first day i saw her. she looked me in the eye asking me if this is the math class but she doesnt remember that or 7ta remembers me she has an angel eyes they're huge w ylgoon min elbra2a and they're bright just like her life she seems so happy and that the most thing i loved about her. I didnt talk to her or show mymy existence even though shes with me blclass you know why? i dont wanna hurt her, every girl i get to know gets hurt from me i dont want that to happen to her. I think shes different.

 When i left my apartment i found her smoking I got really shocked. 7sbtha bare2a, and supersingly i still do lw bnt thanya kan 7kmt 3leha bs this one i didnt i knew something was going on t9rofatha t'3ayrt her look t'3yr she wear heavy eye make up and all she wear is black and she lost alot of weight shway w t5tfi her face looks really not healthy ana bdet a5af 3lbnt i must talk to her w an97ha agl shay agdr aswi y3ni.

Elbnt mra thgl w 3neda i cant seem to talk to her w lamn t39b she scares me b9ra7a.. even though everything i still find her beautiful and cute.

t3rfoun lamn tktmoun shay elftra 6wela and you want it all out? ketha knt 7awlt amsk lsani bs i couldnt 

 I told faisal everything. kef kant 7yati w kef 9art kef Im a mess now and depression is eating me slowly.

 Faisal didnt say any word he just hugged me. that kind of hug is all i needed to make me feel better.